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Wedding Planning


| ETIQUETTE
Wedding Etiquette


the dos & the don'ts

by Shelley Waugh
Traditionally, after both sets of parents have been told about the engagement, it is customary for the Groom's mother or father to call the Bride's parents in order to welcome the new daughter into their family. If circumstances are different in your family, be sensitive to other people's feelings, but remember it's your marriage and try to stay realistic about other people's emotions. You are making  a big change in your life and in the lives of everyone who loves you and is close to you. Time usually takes care of  feelings. If you are undertaking a traditional wedding that takes over a year to plan, you should have enough time to smooth out all the rough edges.

Depending on the size of your wedding party, each person has assigned duties.

The Bride
Following the selection of her dress or gown and accessories, the Bride decides upon the style of her wedding and her color theme so that the rest of the wedding party may select their garments - Mothers, Maid of Honor, Attendants and Flower Girl or Boy.

The Groom
Following the selection of his attire, he gives the information to his Best Man, Groomsmen, Ushers and Ring Bearer.

The Groom should choose his Best Man carefully because he is the person who sees that everything runs smoothly. The Best Man makes sure the Groomsmen (ushers) appear on time for fittings and that the sizes are right. He takes part in selecting wedding presents, especially for the Groom, and he's with the Groom at pre-wedding parties. The Best Man makes sure everyone in the wedding party arrives on time for the rehearsal and ceremony. He assists the Groom in making travel arrangements for their honeymoon. Before the ceremony, he has made a check list of things he needs at the ceremony, reception and honeymoon. At the ceremony he escorts the Bride's parents down the aisle, seating them in the front row, left;  and the Groom's parents to the front row, right. He is in charge of the ushers, an official witness to the vows, carries the rings and marriage licence and pays the clergy's fee.

At the reception the Best Man proposes a toast at the bridal table. After the wedding, he returns all the rented tuxes worn by members of the wedding party and if there is going to be a wedding parade of cars from the ceremony site to the reception venue, he coordinates the vehicles.

For the honeymoon, he has makes sure the Groom has his money, charge cards, passport, driver's license, luggage, phone numbers for emergency (theoretically, the groom is too overcome with bliss to look after such details). Obviously you need a dependable best man.

The Bride's Family
The Bride's mother traditionally selects her dress first and then lets the Groom's mother know what she is wearing.

The Bride and/or her mother hosts the Bridal Luncheon. The Bride's gifts are on display at her family home. The Bride's Mother hosts and/or makes arrangements for their out-of-town guests.

The Groom's Family
If the Groom's family are going to help with expenses for the wedding or honeymoon, they should make the offer  of the amount to assist the couple in their planning and budgeting. When the size of the wedding is decided, their guest list should be given to the Bride's family as soon as possible.
The Groom's mother waits until the Bride's Mother selects her dress. The style and colors should not conflict.

The Maid or Matron of Honor is usually a family member of the Bride or one of her very best friends. She has several duties beginning with helping to choose, address, stuff and mail the wedding invitations. She records all the gifts given to the Bride at the engagement parties and showers. She usually plans one of the showers for the Bride. She works closely with the Bride at the rehearsal and keeps checking her list of things to do and adjusting it as required. On the wedding day, she distributes all the corsages and boutonnières and helps dress the Bride and bridesmaids.

During the ceremony, she holds the Bride's bouquet and makes sure the Bride's gown and train are arranged properly. She also makes sure that the bridesmaids, flower girl and ring bearer are always in their right places. She also holds the Groom's ring. The Maid of Honor is an official witness to the vows along with the Best Man. If  the Bride is leaving from the reception for her honeymoon she helps her change into her going-away outfit and makes sure her bridal gown and accessories are put away safely.

Groomsmen/Ushers:
Groomsmen make sure the bridesmaids and special guests have transportation to the ceremony site.

At the ceremony site, the groomsmen greet the guests. If there aren't any ushers in the wedding party, the groomsmen seat the guests as well. Traditionally, the Bride's guests are seated on her left side and the groom's  are on his right side. Before the ceremony, two of the groomsmen seat the Groom's mother and then the Bride's mother; after the ceremony they escort them up the aisle. They assist the Bride's mother with last-minute details and introduce guests to each other. If there are reserved pews other than the first two for the close family, invited guests hand a pew card to the usher. Two ushers lay down the floor runner.

Bridesmaids:
The Bride calls upon bridesmaids before the wedding to do several things for her, such as helping with the invitations, making anything that is going to be used for the wedding and running errands, especially during the last two weeks. The bridesmaids usually assist in all the showers that are being held for the Bride. At the ceremony, they do not have any official duties, but they usually assist the groomsmen in introducing guests to each other and ensure that all the guests are having a good time at the reception.

In-laws
Just as there are no two weddings that are alike, there also are no parents who are alike. Having said that, there are several scenarios which can develop. Ideally, everything is 100 per cent and each of the families welcome the new addition (Bride or Groom) to their family.

Or, problems arise because you're the first in the family to get married and they are having a hard time coping with it. Or, you're not marrying the fellow they feel you should be. Or, they feel you are too young to be married and would prefer you to finish school or be older or have a more secure job.

Your in-laws could be divorced or one of you could of been raised by a step parent - and these conditions could set up another chain of elements you have to deal with throughout your planning.

During your engagement, your future in-laws may be  meeting your family and friends for the first time. There are several ways to "break the ice" - intimate dinners in homes, fun barbeques in back yards, picnics or a formal get-together at a club. If your attitude and thinking starts out right, and when you begin to include in-laws in your planning, they'll probably be just fine at your wedding reception.

• If you anticipate any problems with your parents over your upcoming wedding, then be prepared for the worst. Time has a way of settling everything, but perhaps not before your wedding day. You don't want any hard feelings to come between you and your betrothed. Therefore, if parents from either side are not happy with your upcoming wedding, try to set that problem aside, go on with your plans and deal with practical problems rather than spend time worrying about what you imagine.

TIP:
It is proper to call your fiancé's parents "Mr. and Mrs" until they ask you to call them something else, i.e. "Mom" and "Dad" or by their first names.

Weddings that are postponed or cancelled
If you postpone your wedding before your invitations go out, it is easy and proper to call your family and close friends to let them know. If the invitations are printed and you've set a new date, it is acceptable to change the date by hand. (You might also want to insert a note on why you've changed the date.)

If you have cancelled your wedding plans and the invitations have gone out, call your family and friends and be prepared for some long conversations, usually sympathetic. For those who are out of town, write them a note.

www.WeddingsHoneymoons.com | Etiquette | July 10, 2010
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