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| AFTER THE WEDDING
Getting back to Real Life


Marriage - a partnership where it's important to be in love with each other, and not just love each other


by Joyce Barslow
Introduction
The wedding ceremony is just a step in the creation of a married couple. First you fall in love, then get engaged, plan a wedding, go on a honeymoon, and then come home to real life and start to spend the rest of your lives together.

Depending on how long you've known each other, whether yours is a first or second marriage, or how long your engagement was - the "getting back to real life" happens differently for every couple.

Day-to-day living begins after the honeymoon. This is when the marriage really starts. You'll both start to work out your daily and weekend routines - getting up, cooking and eating, shopping, laundry, chores around the apartment or house, taking care of the car or the pet, decorating the house and paying the bills. Then there are your leisure and social times, either together or with friends and family. It all gets worked out - sometimes sweetly, sometimes not.

One of the most important facts of life in your marriage is to decide who and how the bills are going to be paid - if you are opening up a joint checking account or if one of you is going to assume the paying of the bills independently.

• If either of you is in personal financial debt which is going to carry over into your marriage, discuss the situation with your intended before you are married so that you both know how you're going to remove the indebtedness. Financial problems, unfortunately, are the primary cause of martial problems.
• If children come with your new marriage, then one of you is probably use to living with them.
• If you've been living together before you were married, the children could already have adjusted themselves to the relationship. Some children take time and understanding.
• If jealousies or behaviour problems arise, it's easier to try to resolve differences when they first become apparent. It is time-consuming, but important to the success of your marriage.

The good and the bad
The intangible fact that you fell in love is so simple, yet it's one of life's great mysteries. How and what makes it happen? Over the years, you'll find out that the things that seemed so important to you when you were first married just aren't as important anymore.

Start to work on the goals that the two of you talked about during your engagement. If one of you is the doer and one the thinker - then the doer should get things started, so that the thinker can keep planning for the next level. If you are both doers - great; if you are both thinkers or too busy to do everything you want done, then prioritize your desires in order to determine what is affordable.

Newlyweds usually enjoy a lot of socializing or entertaining in their new home. Often they try to find out each other's favourite dishes, and brush up on their cooking skills to make some dishes the way the spouse's mother used to.

If you are both lucky, you'll have in-laws who have honestly taken you in as part of their family. If not, remember that it's your marriage and not theirs. Don't fret, and don't look for trouble. Keep it simple. Go to your in-laws when invited. Grin and bear it. Things change, most times for the better.

If you argued during your engagement when you were planning your wedding, those stresses should go away now that the ceremony is over. If you continue to argue with each other, come to terms with the disagreement quickly and try to work the problem out between yourselves. If this fails, seek professional help. Separation and divorce are too easy - your marriage is worth the effort to make it work.

Tip for newlyweds
Keep your boys- or girls-nights out to a minimum. If you wanted to be out with your friends all the time, you shouldn't have gotten married.

If during the first year you find that you're going to start a family, enjoy! However, if you can spend a few years alone together you will lay a good foundation for years to come. As soon as the children come, attention is divided. Most of the time, that's a good thing, but be careful. You got married to be together - always be protective of your spousal relationship.

The minor details of real life
• Decide if you are going to take a married name. If so, you'll need to submit your new family name to the proper authorities in order to update all your documents - driver's licence, passport, social insurance, health insurance, car insurance, credit cards, utility bills and sometimes the post office.
• Arrange for life, disability and home/apartment insurance. Dull, but necessary.
• Be in touch with a financial planner if your investment folio presents complications that you can't handle yourself. If you have no investments, start now.
• Arrange to have your wills drawn up by a lawyer or obtain how-to forms that you can purchase from stationery or office supplies stores.
• Go over your income tax papers carefully. By getting married, you may fall into a higher tax bracket. The tax department has brochures and manuals to assist you. You can buy software packages and videos on taxation, or research them at most libraries.

Planning your first Anniversary
Start planning your first anniversary celebration. On New Year's Eve, make your own resolutions separately and then make some together. Over the years, as partners, your team work will include doing and accomplishing lots of things - some you will like and some you won't like. The best part of it all is that you've got someone to share it with - the good and the bad.

You can renew your vows anytime and anywhere you want to, either in the town or city where you live or on your holiday. Several couples do so to celebrate an anniversary.

You've entered into a partnership where it's important to be in love with each other, and not just love each other.

Congratulations on your wedding - now get on with your marriage, and welcome to real life!

Related
Magazine: the Newlyweds






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WeddingsHoneymoons.com | after the wedding | May 11, 2012
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